Thinking about what home means to me.

Before we came on holiday, even though I was excited about going away I was anxious about leaving home.

Anxious about leaving Frank and Noel, anxious about leaving family, anxious about what was happening (or not happening) at the solicitors, anxious about making sure I had done everything on the website and Patreon before I left so I wasn’t letting anyone down, generally anxious about everything.

So it got me thinking about ‘home’ and what that means.

To start with it’s that place we sleep, we cook, we relax, we entertain, we feel safe.

The bricks and mortar home I live in now was originally going to be temporary, and not thought about in any depth because we had to rush to find a place to rent when we were forced to sell our home. If you’ve been around here a while you will be familiar with my ongoing legal battle to claim back everything we lost because of someone who was negligent. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that I was scared. I’d always been a homeowner, never a tenant and this new world was alien to me. I quickly searched the local estate agents and found a house not too far from family and Kev’s work. No time to think too much we jumped in and signed the rental agreement.

So I packed up our belongings and got the boys moved a few miles down the road to a place I’d only visited because it was the nearest Sainsbury’s!

Swiss Cottage is a funny place, it’s a bit big for us, has draughty windows, wonky floors and doors that magically swing open by themselves (that could be the wonky floors!) We have no idea why it’s called Swiss Cottage and neither does our landlord who lived there for many years raising a family. It’s on the main road but the strange thing is no one seems to be able to find us. Delivery drivers take parcels back to the depot because they ‘couldn’t locate the property’ and even friends have described the house as a little impenetrable fortress with all its walls and hedges and trees. I like to think it’s a magical invisible cottage which was sent to me as a place to feel safe and hidden. After the trauma of financial ruin and the legal mess we are in the middle of, this house has protected us.

I have a room of my own that I turned into a magical studio, we have a cozy lounge, airy summer room, ancient pantry and little cottage kitchen. We bought temporary greenhouses to grow tomatoes in and I planted any old thing I could find with flowers and herbs. I found raspberries, lavender, alpine strawberries, holly, yew, peonies, snowdrops, feverfew and kiwi growing in the garden and I planted sage, rosemary and calendula. When you really look past your own troubles you can always find something absolutely wonderful.

The local area proved to supply just what I needed too. It has a library, a friendly post office, good local pubs, a Sainsbury’s (as mentioned earlier!) a few really nice coffee shops and a couple of charity shops. They decorate the town regularly with seasonal things (currently big bright butterflies and flowers on all the lamp posts)and the public toilets have just been painted by a local artist with greenery and lush plants!

It’s no chocolate box English village but a normal little town doing its best - a bit like me- a normal little human, doing my best.

The other place I call ‘home’ is my little website which I use as a container for my work, where I ponder new ideas, entertain and share with others, feel safe and happy, learn and evolve, relax and be ‘me’. This is a creative space that I can truly be authentic and at home. I have been influenced by Kening Zhu, whose website is simply beautiful and her ideas opened my eyes to the magic of websites. If you are interested in creating a home on the web check her out HERE

I’ve loved being on holiday. Time for me and Kev to get some relief and rest from the stresses of the claim and for him to have proper time off work for the first time in 3 years.

We came back to a place that we feel at home abroad. A little place on the south of Crete called Plakias. It changes ever time we visit but the sea, sun, sand and wind doesn’t. All four elements to experience at the same time. This makes me feel balanced. I needed that. No matter where you travel, if you notice the elements at play you can always feel steady.

So I’m at the end of my holiday, less anxious, looking forward to getting back ‘home’ to Swiss Cottage and maybe making it feel a little more like home. Stop myself from thinking of it as a temporary thing but as a gift sent to me to enjoy with all its magical qualities! At this present moment in my life it is HOME and all we really have is today isn’t it?

Waiting to be happy when everything is ‘sorted’ is a mugs game and I’ve decided that I’m no mug.

I’m trying to live by the words - Live the life you want to live TODAY.

With love from Sara Jane who lives in a magical invisible cottage with her lovely husband and two fluffy black cats.

Only special friends can actually see Swiss Cottage, and you’re invited 😉xxxx